I hesitate to write on preparing for marriage, since I did a poor job (and my wife and I are divorced)... However, I think you can learn from my mistakes... Some of the things I did wrong were:
....Focused on physical attraction when dating (instead of becoming friends)
....When my wife and I married, we were both Christians, but had no training on the husband's and wife's roles in a marriage
....She is a dominate woman and I am a passive male [I have PMS (Passive Male Syndrome)].
....We battled over who would lead in the home for a few years and finally I gave up and let her raise our five children... I threw myself in my education and then career (and became an absentee father)
....Eventually, that destroyed our home (and has harmed our children) and led to our divorce.
Since I started walking with the Lord again in October 2007, I have studied how I should have prepared for marriage.... I think Mark Fox (Pastor of Antioch Community Church) says it best as shown below,
"I heard someone say many years ago that most men and women come into marriage just
the opposite of the way they are supposed to.... You should approach a potential lifelong spouse with a magnifying glass, trying to see every little flaw, every character deficiency, every potential problem that would make you wish you had never married the person in the first place!... Then, once you have resolved yourself to love the person like they are, warts and all, and you say “I do” at the altar, then you take off the magnifying glasses and put on the rose-colored glasses... From then on, you approach your mate with acceptance and love and forgiveness, even to the point that you learn to overlook a transgression (Proverbs 19:11).
Instead, what many young couples do is just the opposite... They put on the rose-colored glasses during courtship, not wanting to even admit to themselves, much less confront their partners, about a potential problem they may see in this person they think they “love”... Then when they get to the altar and say the “I dos”, the rose-colored glasses are tossed aside in the bushes on the way out of the church, and out comes the magnifying glasses... Every flaw, every blemish, every character deficiency that they joyfully overlooked during courtship is now a thorn in their flesh.
Let me hasten to add that with a potential mate we must not have a holier-than-thou attitude... We must do all we can to lay aside pride or a critical spirit and look with God's eyes, not the eyes of our flesh... But this examination process must be done; otherwise, we are in for big trouble ahead... It is better to never marry at all than to marry in haste and repent in leisure."
From “Planting a Family-Integrated Church”
by J. Mark Fox (2008) pp 27-29
Mark also recommends the following book:
“Reforming Marriage”
by Douglas Wilson
(He requires that potential elders study it)
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Dealing with Challenges
Do you face an overwhelming task, burden, challenge, or battle? Is there something God has called you to do or endure that seems too much for you to handle? Do you feel His presence with you in it?
I hope you do. I've encountered all manner of difficulties, conflicts, and seemingly insurmountable obstacles in my years as a pastor. But knowing the Father is near me – loving, defending, and providing for me – has gotten me through every single one.
In fact, there are times when I am studying Scripture or thinking about God's faithfulness, when suddenly I am so aware of His awesome presence that am my filled with emotion and begin weeping. During these times, He doesn't say anything. He simply makes Himself known so that I can understand He loves me enough to manifest His incredible power, wisdom, and authority on my behalf.
This is especially important to me as I think about my mission to lead people worldwide into a growing relationship with Jesus Christ. As you can imagine, this can be challenging at times. There are many hurdle to overcome, nations closed to the gospel, and lost souls to reach. It is a tremendous task that never ends.
I often consider how overwhelming it must have been for the disciples, listening to Christ's Great Commission to them: “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you” (Matt. 28:19-29, emphasis added)...Can you imagine how impossible it must have seemed to them – reaching all the nations?. Yet Jesus' assurance to them made all the difference, “And lo, I am with you always, even to the end of this age” (Matt 28:29).
Without that promise, the disciples could not have done what Christ commanded. Our Savior's presence with them was imperative, just it is for us today. This is because as believers, He inspires, energizes, enables, and counsels us in very special ways, no matter what we're called to do or what challenges we must face.
So what is it that weighs heavy on your heart today? Has the Lord called you to do something in His name and for His glory? Are you facing financial, health, or relational difficulties? Is there a task before you that is far more than you can handle – a task that you wonder if you can persevere through it?
It is very important to God that you recognize He is with you... Why?... Because the Father does for us those things that you and I can't do for ourselves...What does He do?
First, when we experience the Lord's presence, He inspires us to join Him in His divine purpose...The Father wants to accomplish special things in our lives that are much greater than we are..For example, He spoke from the burning bush and called Moses to deliver Israel out of Egyptian slavery—an incredible mission.. (Ex. 3)...But Moses did not think he could do it...Perhaps you have doubts about what you must do as well..I encourage you to never second guess what God can do through a servant who is willing to obey Him.
Second, when we encounter the Father and Son and realize He is absolutely holy, omnipotent (all powerful), omnipresent (always with us), omniscient (all knowing), and omni-benevolent (unconditional in His love for us), He energizes us to face any difficulty...Think about the prophet Isaiah..He saw the Lord as He really is – on His throne, His throne in Heaven, completely righteous, majestic, and glorious.. How did Isaiah respond? The prophet immediately observed that the King of Kings was fully worthy of all honor and obedience, Isaiah cried out, “here am I, send me!” (Isa 60)..We too..When we experience the awesomeness of God,we will be fully motivated to serve Him, regardless of the challenges.
Third, the Father's presence enables us to accomplish extraordinary things. What made Moses believe he could part the Red Sea; David consider he could fight Goliath ;Peter trusted he could walk on water; or Paul thought he could preach before the Roman rulers Festus, Felix, and Agrippa?..In each case, it was because of their confidence in the living God...As Luke 1:47 teaches, “Nothing will be impossible with God.”
Fourth, when we experience the Father's presence, He counsels us with His perspective regarding our circumstances..From our earthly earthly viewpoint, everything may be falling apart..But the Lord, who sees the end of a matter from the beginning, is aligning His resources to help us..Like David, we can say, "When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You..In God, whose word I praise, in God I have put my trust; I shall not be afraid..What can mere man do to me?” (Ps. 56:3-4).
Friend, no matter what trouble you encounter today, I ask you to surrender your life to the Lord and watch what He does..He will make Himself known to you in powerful ways that fit your life perfectly..Therefore, spend time in His awesome presence..Allow Him to inspire you with His plans, energize you to face difficulties, enable you to accomplish extraordinary things, and counsel you on how to find victory in every circumstance..Don't miss out on one of the choicest blessings we as believers can ever enjoy – experiencing the presence of the living God.
Charles F. Stanley
August 2011 Prayer Letter
I hope you do. I've encountered all manner of difficulties, conflicts, and seemingly insurmountable obstacles in my years as a pastor. But knowing the Father is near me – loving, defending, and providing for me – has gotten me through every single one.
In fact, there are times when I am studying Scripture or thinking about God's faithfulness, when suddenly I am so aware of His awesome presence that am my filled with emotion and begin weeping. During these times, He doesn't say anything. He simply makes Himself known so that I can understand He loves me enough to manifest His incredible power, wisdom, and authority on my behalf.
This is especially important to me as I think about my mission to lead people worldwide into a growing relationship with Jesus Christ. As you can imagine, this can be challenging at times. There are many hurdle to overcome, nations closed to the gospel, and lost souls to reach. It is a tremendous task that never ends.
I often consider how overwhelming it must have been for the disciples, listening to Christ's Great Commission to them: “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you” (Matt. 28:19-29, emphasis added)...Can you imagine how impossible it must have seemed to them – reaching all the nations?. Yet Jesus' assurance to them made all the difference, “And lo, I am with you always, even to the end of this age” (Matt 28:29).
Without that promise, the disciples could not have done what Christ commanded. Our Savior's presence with them was imperative, just it is for us today. This is because as believers, He inspires, energizes, enables, and counsels us in very special ways, no matter what we're called to do or what challenges we must face.
So what is it that weighs heavy on your heart today? Has the Lord called you to do something in His name and for His glory? Are you facing financial, health, or relational difficulties? Is there a task before you that is far more than you can handle – a task that you wonder if you can persevere through it?
It is very important to God that you recognize He is with you... Why?... Because the Father does for us those things that you and I can't do for ourselves...What does He do?
First, when we experience the Lord's presence, He inspires us to join Him in His divine purpose...The Father wants to accomplish special things in our lives that are much greater than we are..For example, He spoke from the burning bush and called Moses to deliver Israel out of Egyptian slavery—an incredible mission.. (Ex. 3)...But Moses did not think he could do it...Perhaps you have doubts about what you must do as well..I encourage you to never second guess what God can do through a servant who is willing to obey Him.
Second, when we encounter the Father and Son and realize He is absolutely holy, omnipotent (all powerful), omnipresent (always with us), omniscient (all knowing), and omni-benevolent (unconditional in His love for us), He energizes us to face any difficulty...Think about the prophet Isaiah..He saw the Lord as He really is – on His throne, His throne in Heaven, completely righteous, majestic, and glorious.. How did Isaiah respond? The prophet immediately observed that the King of Kings was fully worthy of all honor and obedience, Isaiah cried out, “here am I, send me!” (Isa 60)..We too..When we experience the awesomeness of God,we will be fully motivated to serve Him, regardless of the challenges.
Third, the Father's presence enables us to accomplish extraordinary things. What made Moses believe he could part the Red Sea; David consider he could fight Goliath ;Peter trusted he could walk on water; or Paul thought he could preach before the Roman rulers Festus, Felix, and Agrippa?..In each case, it was because of their confidence in the living God...As Luke 1:47 teaches, “Nothing will be impossible with God.”
Fourth, when we experience the Father's presence, He counsels us with His perspective regarding our circumstances..From our earthly earthly viewpoint, everything may be falling apart..But the Lord, who sees the end of a matter from the beginning, is aligning His resources to help us..Like David, we can say, "When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You..In God, whose word I praise, in God I have put my trust; I shall not be afraid..What can mere man do to me?” (Ps. 56:3-4).
Friend, no matter what trouble you encounter today, I ask you to surrender your life to the Lord and watch what He does..He will make Himself known to you in powerful ways that fit your life perfectly..Therefore, spend time in His awesome presence..Allow Him to inspire you with His plans, energize you to face difficulties, enable you to accomplish extraordinary things, and counsel you on how to find victory in every circumstance..Don't miss out on one of the choicest blessings we as believers can ever enjoy – experiencing the presence of the living God.
Charles F. Stanley
August 2011 Prayer Letter
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Four Wlliam T. McConnells
There have been a line of four William Thomas McConnells in my family.... All of them have some things in common..... They have all been: bright, strong-willed, opinionated and articulate.
The first William Thomas McConnell was my grandfather, and he was called “WT”.
He was a career Democrat politician in Robertson County, KY, and held every elected office over time (he was most often the sheriff)
WT was good friends with Alben Barkley (the Vice President under Harry Truman, also known as the “Veep”)..... I would describe WT as a “demanding dictator”.... He was very impressive looking: Tall (6' 4”), ramrod straight, with white hair.... When Dad was a teenager, he was the only child left of the seven children..... Each morning WT would give his wife (Willie Kate) a punch list of tasks to be done on their farm that day...... Then he would go down to the courthouse in Mt. Olivet and chew the fat with the county leaders...... When he came home, he expected a hot meal to be on the table, and all the tasks to be completed.... [More on this in my blog post called “WT”].
The name on my Dad's birth certificate was “Will Junior”. He was the youngest of seven children...... He later changed his name to “William Thomas McConnell, Jr....As an adult he was called “Bill”..... I would describe Dad as a “workaholic charismatic leader”...... As, you can tell, I was in awe of my Dad........ I felt like a failure because I couldn't live up to my lofty view of him..... I was so glad that he named me after my Mom (Robert Redding), instead of himself....When Dad retired, he had trained four other men to replace him.....At his company (Lincoln Income Life Insurance Company) he did the following jobs:
....Treasurer
....Wrote the insurance policies that Lincoln Income sold
....Director of personnel
....Company attorney
Dad seemed to have a pretty good relationship with WT......I think WT would give him helpful advice (and Dad was WT's attorney, and handled his estate)
The next person with that name is “Bill Tom”.....As an adult, he is known as “Bill” (just like my Dad).....Bill Tom was eighteen months younger than me (and we continue to be very close)....The words I would use to describe him growing up are “Black Sheep Rebel”.... Bill Tom had MAJOR problems with obeying Dad, as a teenager...Anything Dad would tell Bill Tom to do, he would do just the opposite.....Bill Tom was always an adventurous young man, with lots of friends and always dated the prettiest girls......Fortunately, later in life, Dad became Bill Tom's close friend and mentor.
The last person with that name is “Mack”, (Bill Tom's oldest son).....I haven't spent much time with him, and don't know that much about him....He is brilliant (having inherited the “Redding brain” from my Mom) and very witty....Unfortunately, he also inherited the Redding's main problem (but he is dealing with that)....I've haven't had the opportunity to sit down and talk with Mack about anything, really,....So, I can't tell you more about him.....He hasn't had any sons (so, that looks like the end of the line for men named “William Thomas McConnell”).
The first William Thomas McConnell was my grandfather, and he was called “WT”.
He was a career Democrat politician in Robertson County, KY, and held every elected office over time (he was most often the sheriff)
WT was good friends with Alben Barkley (the Vice President under Harry Truman, also known as the “Veep”)..... I would describe WT as a “demanding dictator”.... He was very impressive looking: Tall (6' 4”), ramrod straight, with white hair.... When Dad was a teenager, he was the only child left of the seven children..... Each morning WT would give his wife (Willie Kate) a punch list of tasks to be done on their farm that day...... Then he would go down to the courthouse in Mt. Olivet and chew the fat with the county leaders...... When he came home, he expected a hot meal to be on the table, and all the tasks to be completed.... [More on this in my blog post called “WT”].
The name on my Dad's birth certificate was “Will Junior”. He was the youngest of seven children...... He later changed his name to “William Thomas McConnell, Jr....As an adult he was called “Bill”..... I would describe Dad as a “workaholic charismatic leader”...... As, you can tell, I was in awe of my Dad........ I felt like a failure because I couldn't live up to my lofty view of him..... I was so glad that he named me after my Mom (Robert Redding), instead of himself....When Dad retired, he had trained four other men to replace him.....At his company (Lincoln Income Life Insurance Company) he did the following jobs:
....Treasurer
....Wrote the insurance policies that Lincoln Income sold
....Director of personnel
....Company attorney
Dad seemed to have a pretty good relationship with WT......I think WT would give him helpful advice (and Dad was WT's attorney, and handled his estate)
The next person with that name is “Bill Tom”.....As an adult, he is known as “Bill” (just like my Dad).....Bill Tom was eighteen months younger than me (and we continue to be very close)....The words I would use to describe him growing up are “Black Sheep Rebel”.... Bill Tom had MAJOR problems with obeying Dad, as a teenager...Anything Dad would tell Bill Tom to do, he would do just the opposite.....Bill Tom was always an adventurous young man, with lots of friends and always dated the prettiest girls......Fortunately, later in life, Dad became Bill Tom's close friend and mentor.
The last person with that name is “Mack”, (Bill Tom's oldest son).....I haven't spent much time with him, and don't know that much about him....He is brilliant (having inherited the “Redding brain” from my Mom) and very witty....Unfortunately, he also inherited the Redding's main problem (but he is dealing with that)....I've haven't had the opportunity to sit down and talk with Mack about anything, really,....So, I can't tell you more about him.....He hasn't had any sons (so, that looks like the end of the line for men named “William Thomas McConnell”).
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