There have been a line of four William Thomas McConnells in my family.... All of them have some things in common..... They have all been: bright, strong-willed, opinionated and articulate.
The first William Thomas McConnell was my grandfather, and he was called “WT”.
He was a career Democrat politician in Robertson County, KY, and held every elected office over time (he was most often the sheriff)
WT was good friends with Alben Barkley (the Vice President under Harry Truman, also known as the “Veep”)..... I would describe WT as a “demanding dictator”.... He was very impressive looking: Tall (6' 4”), ramrod straight, with white hair.... When Dad was a teenager, he was the only child left of the seven children..... Each morning WT would give his wife (Willie Kate) a punch list of tasks to be done on their farm that day...... Then he would go down to the courthouse in Mt. Olivet and chew the fat with the county leaders...... When he came home, he expected a hot meal to be on the table, and all the tasks to be completed.... [More on this in my blog post called “WT”].
The name on my Dad's birth certificate was “Will Junior”. He was the youngest of seven children...... He later changed his name to “William Thomas McConnell, Jr....As an adult he was called “Bill”..... I would describe Dad as a “workaholic charismatic leader”...... As, you can tell, I was in awe of my Dad........ I felt like a failure because I couldn't live up to my lofty view of him..... I was so glad that he named me after my Mom (Robert Redding), instead of himself....When Dad retired, he had trained four other men to replace him.....At his company (Lincoln Income Life Insurance Company) he did the following jobs:
....Treasurer
....Wrote the insurance policies that Lincoln Income sold
....Director of personnel
....Company attorney
Dad seemed to have a pretty good relationship with WT......I think WT would give him helpful advice (and Dad was WT's attorney, and handled his estate)
The next person with that name is “Bill Tom”.....As an adult, he is known as “Bill” (just like my Dad).....Bill Tom was eighteen months younger than me (and we continue to be very close)....The words I would use to describe him growing up are “Black Sheep Rebel”.... Bill Tom had MAJOR problems with obeying Dad, as a teenager...Anything Dad would tell Bill Tom to do, he would do just the opposite.....Bill Tom was always an adventurous young man, with lots of friends and always dated the prettiest girls......Fortunately, later in life, Dad became Bill Tom's close friend and mentor.
The last person with that name is “Mack”, (Bill Tom's oldest son).....I haven't spent much time with him, and don't know that much about him....He is brilliant (having inherited the “Redding brain” from my Mom) and very witty....Unfortunately, he also inherited the Redding's main problem (but he is dealing with that)....I've haven't had the opportunity to sit down and talk with Mack about anything, really,....So, I can't tell you more about him.....He hasn't had any sons (so, that looks like the end of the line for men named “William Thomas McConnell”).
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Two Important Decisions
I sometimes ask people this question: What is the most important decision you will ever make in your life?
For me the answer to that is easy. It was the day I admitted that I was sinful (selfish) and asked Jesus to be my Savior and Lord. I made that decision on May 22, 1965 in my Sophomore year at Ohio State.
This is my second question: What is the second most important decision you will ever make in your life?
Again, for me the answer is easy (but actually doing it is often VERY difficult).
It is to obey Jesus when the Holy Spirit prompts me to do something. Sometimes I obey as follows:
….Immediately
….After a few minutes
….After a day or more
….Sometimes it has even taken me years to obey Him
I find that the longer I put off obeying Jesus, the less I hear the Holy Spirit prompting me.
So, there is a real danger in not instantly obeying Jesus.
It is when I am consistently and instantly obeying the prompts of the Holy Spirit that I am truly joyful.
I have appreciated many things that Charles Stanley (Pastor of First Baptist Church in Atlanta) has said. Among his quotes are the following:
“To live the Christian life is to allow Jesus to live His life in and through us
To walk in the Spirit is to obey the initial promptings of the Spirit
Obey God and leave all the consequences to Him
Disappointments are inevitable; discouragement is a choice
God blesses us so that we might bless others
We learn more in valley experiences than on our mountaintops
Adversity is a bridge to a deeper relationship with God
Our intimacy with God - His highest priority for our lives - determines the impact of out lives”
For me the answer to that is easy. It was the day I admitted that I was sinful (selfish) and asked Jesus to be my Savior and Lord. I made that decision on May 22, 1965 in my Sophomore year at Ohio State.
This is my second question: What is the second most important decision you will ever make in your life?
Again, for me the answer is easy (but actually doing it is often VERY difficult).
It is to obey Jesus when the Holy Spirit prompts me to do something. Sometimes I obey as follows:
….Immediately
….After a few minutes
….After a day or more
….Sometimes it has even taken me years to obey Him
I find that the longer I put off obeying Jesus, the less I hear the Holy Spirit prompting me.
So, there is a real danger in not instantly obeying Jesus.
It is when I am consistently and instantly obeying the prompts of the Holy Spirit that I am truly joyful.
I have appreciated many things that Charles Stanley (Pastor of First Baptist Church in Atlanta) has said. Among his quotes are the following:
“To live the Christian life is to allow Jesus to live His life in and through us
To walk in the Spirit is to obey the initial promptings of the Spirit
Obey God and leave all the consequences to Him
Disappointments are inevitable; discouragement is a choice
God blesses us so that we might bless others
We learn more in valley experiences than on our mountaintops
Adversity is a bridge to a deeper relationship with God
Our intimacy with God - His highest priority for our lives - determines the impact of out lives”
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
AC and Susie
As I have mentioned earlier (“No-Hitter and AC”), AC Pryor became my best friend in Junior High School. After he graduated High School he married a lovely girl named Susie. This story is about a time that my former wife Carole and I visited with AC and Susie.
Every time we went back to Louisville, KY to visit my family we would make arrangements to spend some time with the Pryors. The Sunday after Thanksgiving in 1970 (while I was finishing my Masters degree at Purdue) we had what turned out to be a life-changing meeting with AC and Susie. AC has written about this night in his book, “The Sound Mind Investing Handbook” by Austin Pryor (see Chapter 25). [I'll refer to this book as SMIH below].
We went to their home that night and had a wonderful dinner. Afterward we started talking and sharing how excited we were about having a personal relationship with Jesus. I had been praying for AC and Susie ever since 1965 when I met Jesus, that they would come to know Him as Carole and I did.
As AC says in his book, “After dinner, it wasn't long before Bob shifted the conversation to spiritual matters. He saw us living the comfortable life and asked Susie at one point: “Susie, are you happy?” And she answered, “We've really got a lot to be thankful for.” He said: “I can see that. But are you happy?” And she paused, then simply said, “No.” (see SMIH pp 298-299).
It was then that I got to share with AC and Susie the answer to the question, “Have you made the wonderful discovery of the Spirit-filled life?” This information is found in a little blue booklet by the same name. That night I shared the information from the booklet. We said that the Bible explains that there are only three types of people in the world (see 1 Corinthians 2:14-3:3):
o..Natural People...(Those who have never asked Jesus to be their Savior and Lord)
o..Spiritual Christians...(Those who are directed and empowered by the Holy Spirit)
o..Worldly (Carnal) Christians...(Those who have received Christ, but who live in defeat because they are trying to live the Christian life in their own strength)
The Bible teaches the following four principles for living the Spirit-filled life:
First:....God has provided for us an abundant and fruitful Christian life.
The promise of the abundant Christian life given in 1 John 10:10.
The key to fruitfulness is abiding in Christ (obeying Christ moment by moment) as shown in John 15:4-5.
The nine-fold fruit of the Spirit (the result of obeying Christ) is given in Galatians 5:22-23.
(These are love, joy, peace, patience ,kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control). Also we are promised that the Holy Spirit will give us power to witness in Acts 1:8.
The question that follows is “Why is it that most Christians are not experiencing the abundant life?” The answer is given in the second principle:
Second:...Worldly (Carnal) Christians cannot experience the abundant and fruitful life.
The worldly (carnal) Christian trusts in his own efforts to live the Christian life.
He is either uninformed about, or has forgotten, about God's love, forgiveness,, and power. He has an up-and-down spiritual experience. He cannot understand himself – he wants to do what is right, but cannot. He fails to draw on the power of the Holy Spirit to live the Christian life. (And this only comes by continually obeying what Christ leads you to do).
The fruit of a worldly (carnal) Christian are just opposite of the fruit of the Spirit, some of which are: legalistic attitude, impure thoughts, jealousy, guilt, worry, discouragement, critical spirit, frustration, aimlessness, fear, unbelief, disobedience, loss of love for God and others, poor prayer life, no desire for Bible study, etc.
The third principle gives us the only solution to this problem:
Third:...Jesus promised the abundant and fruitful life as the result of being filled (directed and empowered) with the Holy Spirit.
The Spirit-filled life is the Christ-directed life by which Christ lives His life in and through us in the power of the Holy Spirit (see John 15). One becomes a Christian through the ministry of the Holy Spirit, according to John 3:1-8. From the moment of spiritual birth, the Christian is indwelt by the Holy Spirit at all times (John 1:12, Colossians 2:9-10, John 14:16-17). [Though all Christians are indwelt by the Holy Spirit, not all Christians are filled (directed and empowered by the Holy Spirit on an ongoing basis]. The Holy Spirit is the source of the overflowing life (John 7:37-39). The Holy Spirit came to glorify Christ (John 16:1-15). When one is filled with the Holy Spirit, he is a true disciple of Christ.
Principle 4 gives the answer to the question, “How, then, can one be filled with the Holy Spirit?”
Fourth:...We are filled with the Holy Spirit by faith; then we can experience the abundant and fruitful life that Christ promised.
You can appropriate the filling of the Holy Spirit right now if you:
o..Sincerely desire to be directed and empowered by the Holy Spirit.
o..Confess you sins (agree with God).
o..By faith, thank God that He has (already) forgiven all of your sins – past, present, and future – because Christ died for you.
o..Present every area of your life to God (Romans 12:1-2)
o..By faith claim the fullness of the Holy Spirit, according to the following:
His command: Be filled with the Spirit (Ephesians 5:18)
His promise: He will always answer when we pray according to His will (1 John 5:14-15)
When we left AC and Susie that night, we left a copy of that blue booklet with them. I found out later, that before they went to sleep that night, they both prayed and asked Jesus to be in control of their lives and that they would be filled with the Holy Spirit (see SMIH pp 300-302).
Since then they have been a godly couple and have been wonderfully used by Jesus. I am always encouraged when I talk to them (even when I am down).
Every time we went back to Louisville, KY to visit my family we would make arrangements to spend some time with the Pryors. The Sunday after Thanksgiving in 1970 (while I was finishing my Masters degree at Purdue) we had what turned out to be a life-changing meeting with AC and Susie. AC has written about this night in his book, “The Sound Mind Investing Handbook” by Austin Pryor (see Chapter 25). [I'll refer to this book as SMIH below].
We went to their home that night and had a wonderful dinner. Afterward we started talking and sharing how excited we were about having a personal relationship with Jesus. I had been praying for AC and Susie ever since 1965 when I met Jesus, that they would come to know Him as Carole and I did.
As AC says in his book, “After dinner, it wasn't long before Bob shifted the conversation to spiritual matters. He saw us living the comfortable life and asked Susie at one point: “Susie, are you happy?” And she answered, “We've really got a lot to be thankful for.” He said: “I can see that. But are you happy?” And she paused, then simply said, “No.” (see SMIH pp 298-299).
It was then that I got to share with AC and Susie the answer to the question, “Have you made the wonderful discovery of the Spirit-filled life?” This information is found in a little blue booklet by the same name. That night I shared the information from the booklet. We said that the Bible explains that there are only three types of people in the world (see 1 Corinthians 2:14-3:3):
o..Natural People...(Those who have never asked Jesus to be their Savior and Lord)
o..Spiritual Christians...(Those who are directed and empowered by the Holy Spirit)
o..Worldly (Carnal) Christians...(Those who have received Christ, but who live in defeat because they are trying to live the Christian life in their own strength)
The Bible teaches the following four principles for living the Spirit-filled life:
First:....God has provided for us an abundant and fruitful Christian life.
The promise of the abundant Christian life given in 1 John 10:10.
The key to fruitfulness is abiding in Christ (obeying Christ moment by moment) as shown in John 15:4-5.
The nine-fold fruit of the Spirit (the result of obeying Christ) is given in Galatians 5:22-23.
(These are love, joy, peace, patience ,kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control). Also we are promised that the Holy Spirit will give us power to witness in Acts 1:8.
The question that follows is “Why is it that most Christians are not experiencing the abundant life?” The answer is given in the second principle:
Second:...Worldly (Carnal) Christians cannot experience the abundant and fruitful life.
The worldly (carnal) Christian trusts in his own efforts to live the Christian life.
He is either uninformed about, or has forgotten, about God's love, forgiveness,, and power. He has an up-and-down spiritual experience. He cannot understand himself – he wants to do what is right, but cannot. He fails to draw on the power of the Holy Spirit to live the Christian life. (And this only comes by continually obeying what Christ leads you to do).
The fruit of a worldly (carnal) Christian are just opposite of the fruit of the Spirit, some of which are: legalistic attitude, impure thoughts, jealousy, guilt, worry, discouragement, critical spirit, frustration, aimlessness, fear, unbelief, disobedience, loss of love for God and others, poor prayer life, no desire for Bible study, etc.
The third principle gives us the only solution to this problem:
Third:...Jesus promised the abundant and fruitful life as the result of being filled (directed and empowered) with the Holy Spirit.
The Spirit-filled life is the Christ-directed life by which Christ lives His life in and through us in the power of the Holy Spirit (see John 15). One becomes a Christian through the ministry of the Holy Spirit, according to John 3:1-8. From the moment of spiritual birth, the Christian is indwelt by the Holy Spirit at all times (John 1:12, Colossians 2:9-10, John 14:16-17). [Though all Christians are indwelt by the Holy Spirit, not all Christians are filled (directed and empowered by the Holy Spirit on an ongoing basis]. The Holy Spirit is the source of the overflowing life (John 7:37-39). The Holy Spirit came to glorify Christ (John 16:1-15). When one is filled with the Holy Spirit, he is a true disciple of Christ.
Principle 4 gives the answer to the question, “How, then, can one be filled with the Holy Spirit?”
Fourth:...We are filled with the Holy Spirit by faith; then we can experience the abundant and fruitful life that Christ promised.
You can appropriate the filling of the Holy Spirit right now if you:
o..Sincerely desire to be directed and empowered by the Holy Spirit.
o..Confess you sins (agree with God).
o..By faith, thank God that He has (already) forgiven all of your sins – past, present, and future – because Christ died for you.
o..Present every area of your life to God (Romans 12:1-2)
o..By faith claim the fullness of the Holy Spirit, according to the following:
His command: Be filled with the Spirit (Ephesians 5:18)
His promise: He will always answer when we pray according to His will (1 John 5:14-15)
When we left AC and Susie that night, we left a copy of that blue booklet with them. I found out later, that before they went to sleep that night, they both prayed and asked Jesus to be in control of their lives and that they would be filled with the Holy Spirit (see SMIH pp 300-302).
Since then they have been a godly couple and have been wonderfully used by Jesus. I am always encouraged when I talk to them (even when I am down).
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Lessons from Richard King and Jesus
When I was growing up in Louisville, KY, I would listen to a radio show out of Cincinnati, OH with a funny announcer named Richard King. One of his favorite things to do was play music and then make a horrible sound like “BBBBBBBBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ”. After doing that for a while, he would come on the air and say “The trouble is in your set!”
I found that very funny, but later, it reminded me of a parable that Jesus taught.
Jesus said, “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank [or 2 by 4] in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” - Matthew 7:3-5 NIV
This reminds me that when I disagree with someone, I need to carefully examine my own life, before I can criticize that other person. Only when I have examined my life, confessed my own sins and repented of my sinful ways, can I clearly see problems in another person's life,
Several years ago, there used to be a Christian band that called themselves “PlankEye”. I thought that was a wonderful name, and think of it when I am tempted to criticize others.
I found that very funny, but later, it reminded me of a parable that Jesus taught.
Jesus said, “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank [or 2 by 4] in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” - Matthew 7:3-5 NIV
This reminds me that when I disagree with someone, I need to carefully examine my own life, before I can criticize that other person. Only when I have examined my life, confessed my own sins and repented of my sinful ways, can I clearly see problems in another person's life,
Several years ago, there used to be a Christian band that called themselves “PlankEye”. I thought that was a wonderful name, and think of it when I am tempted to criticize others.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
My Other Brother Bill
I have two brothers called "Bill McConnell".... Both pastor Christian (Disciples of Christ) churches (of about 400 Sunday attendees)...You know my youngest brother Bill as "Willie" on my blog (Bob's Blog).....The older Bill is 18 months younger than I am and we have always been very close.... He writes a blog for his church (Legacy Christian) that is also posted on Twitter (and sometimes Facebook)... The following is one of his blogs, "Pretty Good", which includes a description of himself.... Bill may be the most unique pastor you have ever met.... I trust you find his humor entertaining, as I do.
Warning....He is blunt and a little crude
Pretty Good
A couple of months ago I attended a meeting where the leader wanted to play one of those "let's get to know each other" games. These games are often played in meetings I attend because I am a minister and thus attend meetings with other minister types. And, generally speaking, either by natural inclination or through training, minister types tend to be touchy/feely people. I just hate those games.
Before you insist I enter therapy to gain insight into my problem, I am pretty sure I know why I hate that crap. First of all, I am not a touchy/feely kind of guy so the get to know you better/share your inner being with me goofiness just drives me up the wall. My lack of desire to "share" with you is probably because I really have no interest in getting to know the other people in the group and because I am not particularly interested in them getting to know me. Here is what I am thinking: "I came for the meeting. The meeting has a purpose or I would not have come to the meeting. So let's get on with the meeting because the sooner we get on with the meeting the sooner we can finish the meeting and I can leave the meeting." The nice way to look at this attitude is that I am mission oriented. Another take could be that I don't particularly enjoy being around people. I say let's go with the mission oriented idea.
The variations on the get to know you games are limited so they are pretty predictable. Sooner or later we almost always end up with one of those "Who are you questions?" Answering that question invariably takes us through a cycle of answers as the group leader attempts to "empower" us to share who we really are. The first round of the cycle is where we tell each other what we do for a living. Since our deeply sensitive group leader can't leave well enough alone, he or she knowingly smiles and tells us that our jobs don't define who were are. The leader is wrong but at this point I choose to not correct the leader.
So we go around again and try to sound a little more profound on our second try. We say things like "I am a husband… a father… a Christian." There are smiles all around and it is obvious that our more insightful, more touchy/feely answers, are better and more correct answers. Since this isn't my first rodeo, occasionally I jump ahead and give the "correct" answer the first time around. I do this for several reasons. Because it throws the leader and his or her plan off course and that is fun to watch. Or because it speeds up the process and we can get on with the meeting. Or because it weird's out the people in the meeting who already know me.
At this particular meeting I jumped right in and answered the "Who are you?" question honestly. It was not my intention but my answer kind of kinked things up when I told the group, "I am a failure." It took a couple of seconds for my answer to sink in and the shock waves to settle. And then they all piled in with their heartfelt reassurances that of course I wasn't a failure, I was wonderful, blah, blah, blah. I smiled because their words were less for me and more for them. They needed to make me take that back. They thought they were trying to make me feel better, but they were just trying to make themselves feel better because we humans can deal with just about anything but the truth. I find it fascinating, but it seems that most often speaking the truth is perceived as being rude or mean.
If you ask me who I am (And I realize you haven't, I can answer that question. I am a son, a brother (five times), a husband (twice), a father (several times), a grandfather (several more times), a minister (more places than I really want to recount), a writer, a firefighter and EMT, a teacher, a police and prison chaplain, and a Christian. And pretty much a failure at all of these.
When I say that I am a failure I do not mean that I am a dismal, pathetic failure. Mine is not a life that is in the crapper. It isn't a "Nobody likes me, everybody hates me I going out in the yard and eat worms," "Buddy could you spare me a dollar," failure of a life. Let me put it like this - You wouldn't want to be married to me. I expect any day to be arrested for impersonating a minister. If nice is the definition of a good Christian, I am never going to make the grade.
I have done many things but none of them really well. Sure, I have, as a Christian and as a minister, led a bunch of people to meet God. And, as an EMT, I have delayed that God meeting for a few people. My kids don't hate me and my church thinks they have probably had worse ministers. I can't preach my way out of a paper bag but I can put a few holes in the bag.
It's not so much that I am a failure, it is just I haven't done anything all that well. I am a jack of all trades and a master of none. I haven't excelled at much of anything and some of the things I have tried to do have ended with me face down in the turf. Pretty good would describe me. I played sports in high school and I was pretty good but not college scholarship material. I have graduated from high school, college and a couple of graduate schools and I was a pretty good student. I have written several books and one of them was pretty good.
Perhaps I have a problem with expectations. Over the years I have managed to get to the point that I have almost no expectations of others but my expectations for me remain high. I would, sometime in my life, love to pass up pretty good and do at least one excellent. That wouldn't be as much of a problem as it is but I am running out of time. I am feeling a time constraint. To steal a line from 30 something childless women, my biological clock is ticking. I am no longer young. Heck, I am no longer middle aged, unless I am going to live well past 100. Not much chance of that since I get a sense from my doctor that he will be pleased if he manages to drag my pathetic body past 65 and into retirement.
You didn't ask, but that is who I am. A guy who is neither pretty nor good who has done most things in life pretty good but is still hoping for better.
Warning....He is blunt and a little crude
Pretty Good
A couple of months ago I attended a meeting where the leader wanted to play one of those "let's get to know each other" games. These games are often played in meetings I attend because I am a minister and thus attend meetings with other minister types. And, generally speaking, either by natural inclination or through training, minister types tend to be touchy/feely people. I just hate those games.
Before you insist I enter therapy to gain insight into my problem, I am pretty sure I know why I hate that crap. First of all, I am not a touchy/feely kind of guy so the get to know you better/share your inner being with me goofiness just drives me up the wall. My lack of desire to "share" with you is probably because I really have no interest in getting to know the other people in the group and because I am not particularly interested in them getting to know me. Here is what I am thinking: "I came for the meeting. The meeting has a purpose or I would not have come to the meeting. So let's get on with the meeting because the sooner we get on with the meeting the sooner we can finish the meeting and I can leave the meeting." The nice way to look at this attitude is that I am mission oriented. Another take could be that I don't particularly enjoy being around people. I say let's go with the mission oriented idea.
The variations on the get to know you games are limited so they are pretty predictable. Sooner or later we almost always end up with one of those "Who are you questions?" Answering that question invariably takes us through a cycle of answers as the group leader attempts to "empower" us to share who we really are. The first round of the cycle is where we tell each other what we do for a living. Since our deeply sensitive group leader can't leave well enough alone, he or she knowingly smiles and tells us that our jobs don't define who were are. The leader is wrong but at this point I choose to not correct the leader.
So we go around again and try to sound a little more profound on our second try. We say things like "I am a husband… a father… a Christian." There are smiles all around and it is obvious that our more insightful, more touchy/feely answers, are better and more correct answers. Since this isn't my first rodeo, occasionally I jump ahead and give the "correct" answer the first time around. I do this for several reasons. Because it throws the leader and his or her plan off course and that is fun to watch. Or because it speeds up the process and we can get on with the meeting. Or because it weird's out the people in the meeting who already know me.
At this particular meeting I jumped right in and answered the "Who are you?" question honestly. It was not my intention but my answer kind of kinked things up when I told the group, "I am a failure." It took a couple of seconds for my answer to sink in and the shock waves to settle. And then they all piled in with their heartfelt reassurances that of course I wasn't a failure, I was wonderful, blah, blah, blah. I smiled because their words were less for me and more for them. They needed to make me take that back. They thought they were trying to make me feel better, but they were just trying to make themselves feel better because we humans can deal with just about anything but the truth. I find it fascinating, but it seems that most often speaking the truth is perceived as being rude or mean.
If you ask me who I am (And I realize you haven't, I can answer that question. I am a son, a brother (five times), a husband (twice), a father (several times), a grandfather (several more times), a minister (more places than I really want to recount), a writer, a firefighter and EMT, a teacher, a police and prison chaplain, and a Christian. And pretty much a failure at all of these.
When I say that I am a failure I do not mean that I am a dismal, pathetic failure. Mine is not a life that is in the crapper. It isn't a "Nobody likes me, everybody hates me I going out in the yard and eat worms," "Buddy could you spare me a dollar," failure of a life. Let me put it like this - You wouldn't want to be married to me. I expect any day to be arrested for impersonating a minister. If nice is the definition of a good Christian, I am never going to make the grade.
I have done many things but none of them really well. Sure, I have, as a Christian and as a minister, led a bunch of people to meet God. And, as an EMT, I have delayed that God meeting for a few people. My kids don't hate me and my church thinks they have probably had worse ministers. I can't preach my way out of a paper bag but I can put a few holes in the bag.
It's not so much that I am a failure, it is just I haven't done anything all that well. I am a jack of all trades and a master of none. I haven't excelled at much of anything and some of the things I have tried to do have ended with me face down in the turf. Pretty good would describe me. I played sports in high school and I was pretty good but not college scholarship material. I have graduated from high school, college and a couple of graduate schools and I was a pretty good student. I have written several books and one of them was pretty good.
Perhaps I have a problem with expectations. Over the years I have managed to get to the point that I have almost no expectations of others but my expectations for me remain high. I would, sometime in my life, love to pass up pretty good and do at least one excellent. That wouldn't be as much of a problem as it is but I am running out of time. I am feeling a time constraint. To steal a line from 30 something childless women, my biological clock is ticking. I am no longer young. Heck, I am no longer middle aged, unless I am going to live well past 100. Not much chance of that since I get a sense from my doctor that he will be pleased if he manages to drag my pathetic body past 65 and into retirement.
You didn't ask, but that is who I am. A guy who is neither pretty nor good who has done most things in life pretty good but is still hoping for better.
Friday, March 4, 2011
My First Major Illness
In 1962, when I was a Junior in High School, I had symptoms of my first major illness. Sometime in the school year I started passing a lot of blood in my urine. We were living in Ten Broeck at the time and I was going to Eastern High School (which is in Jefferson County and a far eastern suburb of Louisville, KY)
I remember that my Dad and Mom (Pa and Lady) would take me to downtown Louisville after school one day each week to visit a kidney doctor, and I'd take blood and urine tests. Initially he told my parents that it was possible that I had kidney cancer. As I look back, I can imagine how hard that must have been on Pa and Lady. I was Pa's favorite son and Lady's joy (she always told us that the happiest day of her life was when she gave birth to me). Now, they had to face the fact that I may have cancer (and soon die). Of course I knew nothing of this. I just had to rest after school each day and take these tests once a week (I felt fine).
Eventually the doctor said it was nephritis (kidney infection) and all I could do was continue to rest after school. I didn't change my diet, just exercised less. After a while (I think one or two months), I returned to “normal”, and played baseball that Spring and Summer.
So, to me, this illness was no big deal (just a minor slowdown). But looking back on that with the eyes of a parent, it is much different. I now see the stress I put Pa and Lady through because of all the illnesses and other problems in my life (while being their “special son”).
Pa became a Christian in 1965 (and Lady started walking close to the Lord then). However, the bulk of my health and other problems lay ahead. For me, my illnesses have been learning experiences to help me grow closer to Christ. But what agony my parents must have suffered to see their special son go through illness.(and not have any control over the situation)! However, I can testify that my problems made them stronger as individuals (and as a couple). I now see that God planned this for our good (Romans 8:28). However, I now see that the dark valleys that I went through were much harder for Pa and Lady than me.
None of my four living children have had any major health problems that I can remember. So, I haven't had to wait as one them suffered through a major health problem. Even the death of my oldest son, Bo, happened so quickly (in a car wreck) that I just reacted to it.
I know that the same Holy Spirit that walked with me through each of my traumatic experiences was with Pa and Lady, His fruit includes love, joy, peace, patience, faithfulness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). I guess what they did was turn me over to the Lord and stand on the truth of His Word. The hard times that all three of us went through has been a tool that burned the truth of God's Word into our lives.
I remember that my Dad and Mom (Pa and Lady) would take me to downtown Louisville after school one day each week to visit a kidney doctor, and I'd take blood and urine tests. Initially he told my parents that it was possible that I had kidney cancer. As I look back, I can imagine how hard that must have been on Pa and Lady. I was Pa's favorite son and Lady's joy (she always told us that the happiest day of her life was when she gave birth to me). Now, they had to face the fact that I may have cancer (and soon die). Of course I knew nothing of this. I just had to rest after school each day and take these tests once a week (I felt fine).
Eventually the doctor said it was nephritis (kidney infection) and all I could do was continue to rest after school. I didn't change my diet, just exercised less. After a while (I think one or two months), I returned to “normal”, and played baseball that Spring and Summer.
So, to me, this illness was no big deal (just a minor slowdown). But looking back on that with the eyes of a parent, it is much different. I now see the stress I put Pa and Lady through because of all the illnesses and other problems in my life (while being their “special son”).
Pa became a Christian in 1965 (and Lady started walking close to the Lord then). However, the bulk of my health and other problems lay ahead. For me, my illnesses have been learning experiences to help me grow closer to Christ. But what agony my parents must have suffered to see their special son go through illness.(and not have any control over the situation)! However, I can testify that my problems made them stronger as individuals (and as a couple). I now see that God planned this for our good (Romans 8:28). However, I now see that the dark valleys that I went through were much harder for Pa and Lady than me.
None of my four living children have had any major health problems that I can remember. So, I haven't had to wait as one them suffered through a major health problem. Even the death of my oldest son, Bo, happened so quickly (in a car wreck) that I just reacted to it.
I know that the same Holy Spirit that walked with me through each of my traumatic experiences was with Pa and Lady, His fruit includes love, joy, peace, patience, faithfulness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). I guess what they did was turn me over to the Lord and stand on the truth of His Word. The hard times that all three of us went through has been a tool that burned the truth of God's Word into our lives.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
The Picnic and My Bologna Sandwich
Do you remember when they had old-fashioned Sunday School picnics? I do. As I recall, it was back in the “olden days”, as kids would say, back before there was air conditioning.
They said, “We'll all meet at Sycamore Lodge in Shelby Park at 4:30 on Saturday. You bring your supper, and we'll furnish the iced tea.”
But if you were like me, you come home at the last minute. When you got ready to pack your picnic, all you could find in the refrigerator was one dried up piece of bologna and just enough mustard in the bottom of the jar so that you got it all over your knuckles trying to get to it. And just two slices of stale bread to go with it. So you made your bologna sandwich and wrapped it in an old brown bag and went to the picnic.
When it came time to eat, you sat at the end of the table and spread out your sandwich. But the folks next you you brought a feast. The lady was a good cook, and she had worked hard all day to get ready for the picnic. And she had fried chicken and baked beans and potato salad and homemade rolls and sliced tomatoes and pickles and olives and celery. And two big homemade chocolate pies to top it off. That's what they spread out there next you while you sat with your bologna sandwich.
But they said to you, “Why don't we just put it all together?”
“No, I couldn't do that. I wouldn't even think of it.” you murmured in embarrassment, with one eye on the chicken.
“Oh, come on, there's plenty of chicken and plenty of pie and plenty of everything. And we just love bologna sandwiches. Let's just put it all together.”
And so you did and there you sat, eating like a king when you came like a pauper.
One day, it dawned on me that God had been saying just that sort of thing to me. “Why don't you take what you have and what you are, and I will take what I have and what I am, and we'll share it together.” I began to see that when I put what I had and was and am and hope to be with what He is, I had stumbled upon the bargain of a lifetime.
I get to thinking sometimes, thinking of me sharing with God. When I think of how little I bring, and how much He brings and invites me to share, I know that I should be shouting to the rooftops, but I am so filled with awe and wonder that I can hardly speak. I know that I don't have enough love or faith or grace or mercy or wisdom, but He does. He has all of those things in abundance, and He says, “Let's just put it all together.”
“Consecration,” “denial,” “sacrifice,” “commitment,” and “crosses” were all kind of hard words to me, until I saw them in the light of sharing. It isn't just a case of me kicking in what I have because God is the biggest kid in the neighborhood and He wants it all for Himself. He is saying, “Everything that I possess is available to you. Everything I am and can be to a person, I will be to you.”
When I think about it like that, it really amuses me to see somebody running along through life hanging on to that dumb bag with that stale bologna sandwich in it saying, “God's not going to get my sandwich! No, sirree, this is mine!” Did you ever see anybody like that – so needy – just about half-starved to death yet hanging on for dear life. It's not that God needs your sandwich. The fact is, you need His chicken.
Well, go ahead – eat your bologna sandwich, as long as you can. But when you can't stand its tastelessness or drabness any longer; when get so tired of running your own life by yourself and doing it your way and figuring out all the answers with no one to help; when trying to accumulate, hold, grasp, and keep everything together in your own strength gets to be too big a load; when you begin to realize that by yourself you'll never going to be able to fulfill your dreams, I hope you'll remember that it doesn't have to be that way.
You have been invited to something better, you know. You have been invited to share the very being of God.
The Journey Home: A Walk with Bob Benson
by Bob Benson and Karen Dean Fry
Beacon Hill Press (1997) pp 108-110
They said, “We'll all meet at Sycamore Lodge in Shelby Park at 4:30 on Saturday. You bring your supper, and we'll furnish the iced tea.”
But if you were like me, you come home at the last minute. When you got ready to pack your picnic, all you could find in the refrigerator was one dried up piece of bologna and just enough mustard in the bottom of the jar so that you got it all over your knuckles trying to get to it. And just two slices of stale bread to go with it. So you made your bologna sandwich and wrapped it in an old brown bag and went to the picnic.
When it came time to eat, you sat at the end of the table and spread out your sandwich. But the folks next you you brought a feast. The lady was a good cook, and she had worked hard all day to get ready for the picnic. And she had fried chicken and baked beans and potato salad and homemade rolls and sliced tomatoes and pickles and olives and celery. And two big homemade chocolate pies to top it off. That's what they spread out there next you while you sat with your bologna sandwich.
But they said to you, “Why don't we just put it all together?”
“No, I couldn't do that. I wouldn't even think of it.” you murmured in embarrassment, with one eye on the chicken.
“Oh, come on, there's plenty of chicken and plenty of pie and plenty of everything. And we just love bologna sandwiches. Let's just put it all together.”
And so you did and there you sat, eating like a king when you came like a pauper.
One day, it dawned on me that God had been saying just that sort of thing to me. “Why don't you take what you have and what you are, and I will take what I have and what I am, and we'll share it together.” I began to see that when I put what I had and was and am and hope to be with what He is, I had stumbled upon the bargain of a lifetime.
I get to thinking sometimes, thinking of me sharing with God. When I think of how little I bring, and how much He brings and invites me to share, I know that I should be shouting to the rooftops, but I am so filled with awe and wonder that I can hardly speak. I know that I don't have enough love or faith or grace or mercy or wisdom, but He does. He has all of those things in abundance, and He says, “Let's just put it all together.”
“Consecration,” “denial,” “sacrifice,” “commitment,” and “crosses” were all kind of hard words to me, until I saw them in the light of sharing. It isn't just a case of me kicking in what I have because God is the biggest kid in the neighborhood and He wants it all for Himself. He is saying, “Everything that I possess is available to you. Everything I am and can be to a person, I will be to you.”
When I think about it like that, it really amuses me to see somebody running along through life hanging on to that dumb bag with that stale bologna sandwich in it saying, “God's not going to get my sandwich! No, sirree, this is mine!” Did you ever see anybody like that – so needy – just about half-starved to death yet hanging on for dear life. It's not that God needs your sandwich. The fact is, you need His chicken.
Well, go ahead – eat your bologna sandwich, as long as you can. But when you can't stand its tastelessness or drabness any longer; when get so tired of running your own life by yourself and doing it your way and figuring out all the answers with no one to help; when trying to accumulate, hold, grasp, and keep everything together in your own strength gets to be too big a load; when you begin to realize that by yourself you'll never going to be able to fulfill your dreams, I hope you'll remember that it doesn't have to be that way.
You have been invited to something better, you know. You have been invited to share the very being of God.
The Journey Home: A Walk with Bob Benson
by Bob Benson and Karen Dean Fry
Beacon Hill Press (1997) pp 108-110
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